We asked you to tell us your funniest pirate joke to win signed copies of  The Pirate Pie Ship and The Pirates on Holiday. The competition is now closed! We’ll announce the winner very soon…

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22 Responses to Win signed copies of The Pirate Pie Ship and The Pirates on Holiday

  1. Colin West says:

    Why do pirates never have aspirins handy?

    Because their parrots eat ’em all.

    (a very old joke, awkwardly adapted)

  2. charlotte says:

    A classic! Thanks Colin!

  3. Sara says:

    Why are pirates grumpy?
    Because they arrrrr! 😀

  4. charlotte says:

    Love that one – good to have a bit of pirate speak in a joke.

  5. Darren Abbott says:

    A pirate walks into a bar, sits down and orders some rum.

    The bartender asks, “Why have you got a chocolate bar on your head?”

    “Arrrrr…” says the pirate. “I’ve got a bounty on me head!”

  6. Holly Smith says:

    What shakes and lives under the sea?……………..

    A Nervous Wreck!

  7. Gillian Simpson-Lomas says:

    Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?…….

    Because they spend so much time at C!!!!! :)

  8. Ruth Lurring says:

    What did the pirate say when he got his leg stuck in the freezer?

    Shiver me timbers!

  9. Nathan Kite says:

    Why did the pirate cross the sea?
    To get to the other tide.

  10. Rachel Smith says:

    What’s the next pirate Internet sensation?

  11. adam says:

    We love all these jokes!!! We’ll be running them ALL past our panel of little judges here on Friday and will announce the winner next week.

  12. Helen says:

    What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
    A carrot!

  13. SARAH JONES says:

    How does a pirate say ‘excuse me’?

  14. sarah gilbert says:

    Sailor to pirate “‘ow did you get your peg leg?”

    Pirate: “It got blasted off by a cannon ball!”
    Sailor: ”And yer hook?”
    Pirate: “It got got chopped off by a cutlass in a fearsome fight!”
    Sailor: “And your eye patch?”
    Pirate: “Seagull poo.”
    Sailor: “Seagull poo? That wouldn’t cause you to loose an eye?”
    Pirate: “No, it didn’t, but i’d just had me hook done!”

  15. Simon Moulding says:

    What’s a Pirates favourite letter?

    You may think it’s ARRRR, but his first love be the C!!!!!!

  16. Jackie ONeill says:

    Why did the pirate go on holiday?
    He needed some arrr and arrrr!”

  17. Jo M says:

    Where does a pirate love to shop?


  18. Mickie Bull says:

    Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
    Because they can spend years at C!

  19. Rosalind Blight says:

    Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

    Because they spend years at C!

  20. rebecca foster says:

    Why are pirates pirates?
    Because they ARRRRRR!

  21. Kaley Redmond says:

    When boxing, what’s a pirate’s favorite punch? Left hook.

  22. charlotte says:

    Our panel of pirate joke experts declared Gillian Simpson-Lomas the winner! Gillian, your prize is winging its way to you. Thanks everyone for sending so many great jokes.

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